On this blog page I have focused articles on the principles of Conscious Parting which includes learning how to shift out of fear while you are ending a relationship so you can think more rationally and avoid doing things that you compromise your integrity.
With so much fear energy spreading across the Nation and the World, I thought it might be good to talk about what fear actually is, in hopes that it will help people become more conscious of their own fear that may be rising within them.
What is fear?
Fear is a psychological shift in your brains chemistry that then changes the chemistry in your body. This shift occurs when we are faced with a real or perceived threat. It is energy that prepares us to fight or flee from that which we fear. We then add fuel to the fire, increasing the fear energy by telling ourselves ‘stories’ about the ‘threat’. The stories are our interpretations of the event, and all interpretations contain distortions. Our actions correlate directly with our story. Of course we need fear. It is essential to our survival. But we can energize the fear to points that are not necessary, and then so are our actions.
Our Emotions have shades
I like to describe emotion in terms of ‘shades’. Much like a color wheel illustrating the various shades of the primary colors red, blue, and yellow, our emotions have hues too. When we look at the emotion of fear, shades can run from “concern” to “paranoia”. The story we tell ourselves about the real or perceived threat have a direct impact on what shade of fear we are experiencing.
We have no trouble seeing the various shades of fear over the election campaign and subsequent outcomes. It is clear to see shades ranging from concern to down right paranoia. We can identify the shades simply by listening to the conversations we are having with others and by reading posts, comments, memes, media articles and blogs. We can also hear the stories that others are telling themselves—filled with distortions or outright un-truths. Our own shades of fear can rise by connecting to others fear when we read these things or have conversations about the current events.
The stories that we tell
The stories we tell ourselves are in our head. They are our thoughts, our interpretations and perceptions. But when the story is told outwardly either through writing or verbally, they become ‘actions’. Speaking is something we do. The higher shade of fear one has the more violent or attacking the actions become. Words are attacking and even violent. The higher the shade of fear the less conscious we become of our fear. The lower the fear, the more aware we can be about our fear and what stories we are telling ourselves about the situation. High degrees of fear cause impulsive ‘reactions’ rather then thought out action. And impulsive reactions rarely have positive outcomes. 
Fear does not take ‘sides’
Any words, spoken or written, that are attacking is coming from fear. Because, as I said before, fear and the stories that we tell ourselves triggers the fight-flight response. Such things as name calling, words that ‘poke fun at’, degrade or put another person down is a fight reaction. The more it is done and the meaner the comments are the less conscious the person is of his or her own fear. People are doing this from both sides. Just read the comments on any post about the two candidates and you can see this playing out.
With fear comes the need to control.
It is our natural tendency is to want to control that what we fear. If we can control it then it can not hurt us. We want to contain the threat to lessen its potential to do us harm. We put violent people and violent animals in cages. We can clearly see how people on both sides of the divide are trying to control others based on what is being viewed as a threat. Each candidate has been perceived as a threat by the ‘other side’, and the results reflect who 50% of the nation viewed as less threatening.
When anyone uses words or actions to demean and degrade this effort comes from the need to control the other, disempower them, weaken them so they withdraw (flee). But some stand up to the attack and fight, in their own efforts to control and weaken the other side. Any group that tries to oppress another group is fearful of something the other group stands for.
Don’t let fear hijack your reasoning – or your mental health
I had a person comment on one of my FB posts that she had been “living in fear for 8 years”. This makes me sad, because being in fear for any length of time is incredibly uncomfortable and not healthy—physically, mentally and spiritually. Frankly, the higher your fear the less powerful you really are. Lower shades of fear give us more power because we don’t loss our capacity to THINK. We need both our heads and our hearts to operate effectively, to communicate clearly and to remain balanced physically, mentally and spiritually. The inner chemistry involved in the fear response can not be maintained without it having serious consequences to our bodies and minds. Fear reactions that hurt others, intentionally or unintentionally, compromise our own integrity which can silently erode our sense of Self. Acting against your values can eat away at who you are at your core—a loving, kind, compassionate person.
Be aware of your own fears
First, we must admit that we have fear. Some believe that to have fear means you are weak like it is some character defect. If you believe that then it is not likely you will admit to your own fears because you don’t want to be perceived as ‘weak’. This is a problem because if you are not conscious of your fear then you will react blindly and you will allow your fear to grow without awareness.
When we can admit we have fears and we can question the validity of the stories we tell ourselves we shift the level of fear to a lower shade-which helps us to think more clearly and act more appropriately. We do this by changing the story to have less distortions and more ‘facts’.
One fact is that we really don’t know what the future holds, so to tell yourself and others that, with certainty you ‘know’ what will happen, you are not being truthful. You do not know. Nobody knows. To believe that you ‘know’ with certainty what will happen only fuels your fear and the fear in others. And if you don’t like what you ‘know’ will happen you may use any means possible to control it from happening.
When we can admit to our own fears we can then see the fear in others more objectively. You may not agree but you can still respond with compassion.
And compassion is necessary if we are to remain a Nation indivisible.
